Riley's Heart
by topher353
Summary: When Zane loses the love his life in an accident things will never be the same. But as a new student comes to Degrassi he seems all to familiar. A story of love,loss,and accepting that life works in mysterious ways.
1. Let Me Sign

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This chapter was hard to write as you'll find out soon why. I tried holding back tears but they came. I hope you guys like it. WARNING: TISSUES ARE REQUIRED!

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**Chapter 1: Let Me Sign**

"And then it was time" The announcer's voice boomed over the large crowd "For Toronto to drown in the sweet sorrow of The Clash at Demonhead!" The crowd went nuts. Millions of crazed fans jumped up and down and screamed as the main vocalist stepped on the stage. Amongst the crowd Zane and Riley stood together enjoying the music. This was Zane's favorite band so he was going crazy jumping around, scream, and all out rocking. Riley was there watching his young boyfriend enjoy himself. Riley got the tickets two months ago for their anniversary and wanted to surprise Zane with them. So he lured Zane out of the house getting him under the illusion that they'd be going to dinner and a movie but when they took a detour on the freeway Zane knew exactly where they were going. "NO way!" Zane called out in disbelief as he tried getting ticket but they were sold out. Riley could only smile at the boy as they got closer and closer to the concert hall. Zane just giggled in excitement.

"_Oh yeah. Oh Yeah. Oh YEAHHH. Hello again friend of a friend. Our common goal was waiting for the world to end. Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend. You crack the whip Shapshifting trick. The past again."_ The lead vocalist sang _"I'll send you my love on a wire. Lift you up, every time, everyone, oOo, pulls away, oOo, from you..." _

Zane excitedly turned to Riley and looked at the jock just standing there. "Here come on" Zane said grabbing Riley's hand and started dance with him seductively. Together they danced the night away to the sound of Zane's favorite band.

* * *

"Oh My god. That was AMAZING!" Zane exclaimed in the car while they drove back home. They bought a CD after the concert and played it in the car while they drove home. "Thank you Thank you Thank you." Zane said kissing the boy on the cheek. Riley swerved a bit out of his lane but quickly recovered. "Hey hey. Save it for later." He replied smiling knowing that this was the best anniversary they've ever had. "Oh sorry." Apologized Zane who was still giddy and excited from the night's events. Tonight had to be the best night of his life. He got to spend it at his favorite band's sold out concert and with the love of his life. Best night of his life.

As Riley took the first exit it took him off the busy freeway and on to the calmer streets he stopped at a red light at a deserted intersection.

"Zane I love you" Riley said turning his head to his love sitting in the passenger seat right next to him. Zane looked at his boyfriend and just smiled feeling like the man on top of the world. When the traffic light turned green Riley started driving through the intersection. He didn't see the blinding light from an oncoming car till it was too late. "RILEY WATCH OUT!" Zane said right before the car struck them at full speed. The impact was strong enough that it sent their car tumbling towards the deserted intersection. The car flipped twice then landed upside down leaving the two boys unconscious and hanging in their seat.

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When Zane regained consciousness he was hanging from the car. He looked around and saw shattered glass everywhere. It hurt. Everywhere in his body hurt. His eyes then came upon Riley in the seat next to him. "Riley?" Zane called out but there was no response. He could see that blood was slowly dripping from Riley's ear. Zane unhooked his seatbelt and fell landing on the roof of the car. He then slowly inched his way towards Riley and undid his seatbelt as well. Crawling out from under the car he pulled himself and his unconscious boyfriend from the wreckage. With the last of his strength Zane pulled them both away from the car just as his vision started getting darker and darker until there was nothing but blackness.

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The next time Zane woke was right as the EMT was about to shock Riley's heart. "Clear!" the EMT said as she pressed the paddles to Riley's chest and an electrical charge was sent to Riley slowly beating heart. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Zane called out getting up from the ambulance gurney but another EMT pinned him back down "It's okay were trying to help" the male EMT tried explaining to the boy. "Clear!" she shouted again before she sent another electrical charge though Riley's body. As she shocked him Riley's body twitched. Zane freaked out and fought against the EMT and tried to get to his boyfriends side but it was no use. Zane was injured so he was not match for the male EMT. The only thing he could do was cry out Riley's name "RILEY!" before everything went dark once again.

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Riley was on the operating table with a tube stuck down his throat to help him breath. The monitor behind him beeped as it measured the status and health of his heart. "Scalpel" the surgeon called out while a nurse quickly handing her a size ten blade that gleamed under the light in the OR. As she made the initial incision and opened his chest cavity to expose his heart and her work began as she tried to repair it. "Forceps and 409 vicrole" the surgeon called out again as she started suturing the artery around her patients heart. **BEEP BEEP** the monitor sounded continuously as Riley's heart started to arrest. **BUM BUMP** "Dfib on the monitor" said the assisting surgeon. "Thank you for that update" she said sarcastically as she tried to repair the damaged organ. **BUM BUMP** She grabbed the internal paddles and ordered the nurse to adjust the voltage "Charge to 20. Clear!" she called out as a charge was sent to the heart. **BUMP BUMP BUM BUMP** "We're losing him" someone called out **BUM BUMP BUM BUMP** "Charge to 40. Clear!"BUMP BUMP was the sound Riley's heart made as it started to slowly stop. **BUM** **BUMP BUM BUM BUMP**.


	2. Good Mourning, Goodbye

**Thank you everyone for reading and I hope you all enjoy this chapter. My intention behind this chapter and the next was showing how Zane goes through the 5 stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance) Do you think I captured those emotional stages correctly? Please remember to review as your comments help me grow as a writer :)

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Chapter 2: Good Mourning, Goodbye

Zane was lying in a hospital bed wondering how Riley was doing. The last he saw of his love was when the surgeons were rushing him off into surgery as they came into the emergency room. Compared to his boyfriend Zane's injuries were mild and not fatal at all, just a few scraps, cuts, and bruises. As he laid there he just stared up at the ceiling listening to nothing but the air conditioning blow through the room and the constant beeping of the monitor next to him. Zane was just waiting, waiting for news of his boyfriend. What was only a couple of hours felt like days to Zane as he waited. No one came into update him about his boyfriend's condition so he was anxiously waiting. Waiting for anything. Another hour or two passed and finally news of Riley's surgery. Riley's mom was outside of his room by the nurses' station talking to the doctor. Zane couldn't hear anything they were saying because of the glass sliding door that obstructed any sound from leaving or entering. He sat up from his bed and watched trying to gauge the outcome from Riley's mom's reaction.

Mrs. Stavros at the nurse's station as the doctor explained the surgery to her. After about a good five minutes into the doctor's explanation she broke down crying and shaking her head. "Oh God" Zane said 'No. no no no. It can't be." He said shaking his head in disbelief as he tried to hold back the tears that wanted so desperately to be released.

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Anya was running through the halls of the hospital her eyes teary and red from hearing the new. She searched frantically for the room that Zane was in. Room after room she looked for her friend's boyfriend. Down the hall she ran to finally find his room. She slowly entered only to see Zane sitting up in his bed with a look of anger, disbelief and sadness on his face. It just broke her heart to see him like this.

"I'm so sorry" she said feeling that that was the only thing anyone could say in a situation like this.

"I just don't understand. How can this happen. I mean how can he be gone. I mean why am I still here and he isn't?" Zane asked of Anya.

"Some things are just out of our control sweety" Anya said solemnly.

"Right before the accident he told me that" Zane started to say as he tried to choke back the tears he felt coming on. "He told me that he loved me. I wish. I wish he was still here." Zane said sobbing gasping for air as the tears began to flow. Anya closed in on the injured boy and pulled him into a hug. They stayed there holding each other grieving for their lost friend.

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Anya slowly pushed Zane towards another hospital room with a glass sliding door. As they got closer Zane could see Riley on the bed. He was there just hooked up on machines that helped him breathe. He had tubes and wires coming out from him. "You sure you wanna do this?" Anya asked Zane. "Yes." He replied back. She opened the door and wheeled him inside and parked him next to Riley's bed. Zane looked over the boy lying in bed and just saw a boy that was once full of life. Now he was in bed the life drained out of him. Zane then reached out to touch Riley's lifeless hand. They were still warm and bruised. Even though he was still there and his body alive he was gone. Riley would never wake up again. Zane slowly pushed himself up from his wheelchair and looked over his boyfriend. He looked so peaceful the way he was now. Zane slowly leaned in and gave his love a kiss fully knowing that there would be no one kissing back. After their kiss he fell back into the wheel chair and began to cry. He cried and started to sob uncontrollably. The whole time Anya was watching she couldn't hold back the tears that came. Together they mourned the loss of their friend.

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It was an early autumn morning where the leaves were just in their last stages of green just as summer was ending and fall was beginning. The atmosphere was filled with sadness and grief as today was the day a friend, lover, and son would be buried. Zane was standing in the center of a cemetery surrounded by people all dressed in black. Friends from school, football teammates, family, relatives, and yoga class members were all here today to pay their respects to the boy who had just passed. Soft sobs and tears could be heard throughout the crowd as the priest began his sermon. "As life is a day our friend, son, and lover has passed into the night." Anya came to stand by Zane's side and took his hand trying to support him. "Nothing is final and we who remain behind know that one day we will once again share the bread and wine with our beloved." Zane squeezed Anya's hand tightly "Oh blessed spirit we bid you farewell as you await a new destiny." The priest said finishing his sermon. A single tear ran down Zane's face and he stared at the tomb stone.

Riley Alexander Stavros

March 21, 1990 – September 3, 2010

Beloved Son and Friend

When most of the people we gone Zane let go of Anya's hand and slowly walked towards the closed casket. Riley's picture was displayed next to the casket with a big wreath of flowers surrounding it and Zane couldn't help but feel a pain in his heart. As Zane stepped up to the casket he laid a single white rose on top of the casket. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." He cried as he walked away with tears in his eyes.

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After the funeral everyone went to the Stavros house for a reception where they could give their condolences to the family and reminisce about Riley. Zane lingered downstairs for a moment but the first chance he got he wandered upstairs to Riley's room. As he opened the door he saw the room was a mess. Clothes were thrown around, shirts hung from the mirror and bed was hastily made. He walked in and accidently stepped on a dark blue jacket with a yellow "D" embroidered on the front. It was Riley's favorite Degrassi jacket and the jacket he wore on their first date together. Zane picked it up and smelt it. _Sports deodorant and vanilla. It still smells like him_ Zane thought. He clutched the jacket tightly feeling that it brought him closer to Riley somehow. As Zane made his way towards Riley's bed he saw a book sitting on top of his night stand. It was 'The Art of War' by Sun Tzu Zane favorite book. Zane started to tear up. It was his favorite book. He remembered he ranted and raved about the book to Riley and insisted that Riley read the book. From what Zane could see Riley was already halfway through the book. Hesitantly he reached for the book and open to the page where his love left off. There he found a photo booth picture of their summer together and an envelope with his name on it.

The pictures brought back a lot of memories from the night they went to the carnival. There they took this picture. Zane remember that this was the night that he made the first move and kissed Riley briefly. As they started into each other's eyes Riley leaned in and gave the boy a more passionate kiss. Zane tired not to cry as he thought back to that day but it was no use wet tears fell from his eyes. Next he picked up the envelope that was addressed to him and opened it. Reading the letter he felt his heart break.

_September 2, 2010_

_Hey Zane do you remember how we met? I'm the kind of person that believes in fate so I think this was meant to be. Although you may laugh I knew from the first day I met you I loved you. It was an early winter morning at my first yoga class. I walked into the studio mad at the world and myself for having gotten myself in a mess like this because of my anger. 'Why did I have to be here' I thought. Then my eyes met yours and instantly I fell for you. You were so comfortable with who you were and so open that I couldn't help but fall for you. Literally. I remember that I fell on my back trying to do one of the yoga poses. I was there lying on my back when you walked over to me and offered your hand to help me up. From then I knew I loved you._

_Ever since then we went through good times and bad times together. And through it all I've always loved you and I will continue to love you. Zane if it weren't for you I would never have known love at all. I would've ended up an angry man denying who I really was. So thank you for being the person who taught me to love and be who I was. I love you so much._

-Riley

Zane began to cry as he finished reading the letter. **KNOCK KNOCK** he heard someone tapping against the open door. Zane looked up to see Riley's mom standing in the doorway she was a small woman with curly light brown hair and a soft face. Zane had only met the woman once before when Riley invited him over for dinner.

"Oh Mrs. Stavros I was just…" Zane started to make an excuse.

"It's okay Zane I miss him too. It's always hard to lose someone you love." Mrs. Stavros said thinking back how she lost her husband a few years back. Zane looked at the woman in confusion.

"You knew?" he asked.

"Of course I knew. I knew from the second he brought you over for dinner he was in love with you." She said "It was just the way he acted around you made him different." Zane looked down feeling that this moment she was going to blame him for her son's homosexuality. "You made him better. So thank you Zane for making my son happy." Zane looked up at the woman standing before surprised at what she said. "I didn't want to say anything because eventually he would've told me when he was ready." She explained. Zane didn't know what to say but he went up to her and hugged her.

"Thank you" He said.

As they pulled away he saw she was tearing up. "Okay well you can stay here as long as you want and I'm sure he would've wanted you to have anything of his so go ahead and take whatever you need." Zane thanked that woman and she left him alone. Zane couldn't hold back the hurt he felt so he curled up in Riley's bed and drank in his scent feeling that the more he engulfed himself in it Riley wouldn't be gone but here with him. Zane just curled up and wept in Riley's bed.


	3. In My Arms

**Initially I had Zane just go to school but I changed it because the first three chapters just seemed too depressing. I needed some comedy in there. So hence the Fiona scene. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Remember to review and tell me what you think. Cheers.**

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**Chapter 3: In My Arms**

A few days pasted after Riley's funeral and Zane had locked himself up in his apartment. He shutting up his windows locking their daylight out and created himself an artificial night. Zane just sat there in the dark feeling strangely comforted by the dark. He thought that the darkness brought him closer to Riley somehow. As a week passed Zane's home phone was bombarded with messages from friends wondering where he was.

"Hi you reach Zane. I'm not here right now but leave a message and I'll get back to you." **BEEP**

"Zane, its Peter. Are you all right. It's been over a week. Call any of us. I'm here for you man."

"Honey it's Anya. I'm worried about you. No one's heard from you. Call us please. I love you."

"Hey it's Drew. We're all worried about you…"

"Zane. It's Anya. We're coming over like it or not. You can't keep going on like this."

"Okay guys let's review the plan when we go in there. Drew." Anya said acting as the team leader.

"I got cleaning down." Drew replied quickly holding up a mop, bucket and cleaning supplies.

"Good. Peter."

"I'll get him showered and dressed."

"And I'll get him to come back to school." Anya said thinking through what she was going to say to Zane to convince him to come back to Degrassi.

"And I've got pie" Fiona said randomly as she was holding a chocolate cream pie in her hands. Everyone just turned and gave her a weird stare. "What? Whenever I get sad pie really helps" She said trying to justify her pie comment.

Disregarding Fiona's pie comment Anya finished prepping her team and broke their huddle. "Okay troops lets go."

Anya stepped up to Zane's door and knocked. As the door opened slowly and Zane appeared they rushed in and quickly got to work. Peter grabbed some clean clothes and ushered him to the shower while the rest of them cleaned up his apartment. Empty take out containers dirty laundry, and dishes were strewn all across the apartment "Okay guys let's get to work" drew called out. After about 20 minutes Zane's apartment was clean and Zane had finished showering. Now it was the most difficult part of all. Trying to get him to come back to school. Anya brought the boy some tea and they sat in his bedroom to talk.

"Zane, how are you?" Anya started off but the boy was unresponsive and just stares into his tea. "Zane. You need to stop acting like this. Riley wouldn't want to see you like this." As she mentioned Riley's name tears started to swell in Zane eyes. "Zane."

"It's hard. He's gone." Zane began "I'm so angry and sad I just don't know what to do. Why did it have to be him and not me?" he said "I feel that it's just really unfair."

"I know hun. We all miss him too. But he wouldn't want to see any of us, especially you, wasting away like this. He would of wanted you to continue on living and going on with your life. So come back to school."

"I don't know. There are just too many memories of him there. I don't know if I can handle it."

"You can and you will. We'll all be there to help you through it. I promise." Anya reassured Zane. Zane deep down knew that Anya was right. Riley really wouldn't want him to be like so he set aside his fears and agreed to go back to school. Knowing that his friends were there to support him helped him make his decision.

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Zane walked slowly through the halls of Degrassi towards his first class of the day. Everywhere he went people stopped and stared at him. They would whisper quietly amongst themselves no knowing he already knew what they were saying. "That's him" "Oh yeah I feel really bad for him" were some of the things they would whisper. It broke his heart having to walk the same halls without his loving jock by his side. 'I can do this. I won't cry in front of everyone.' Zane thought as he entered his algebra class. As he took his seat in class he turned to the empty desk next to him and a single tear rolled down Zane's face. It was Riley's seat. The bell had rung snapping Zane out of his trance and the day began.

Usually every morning a school wide broadcast hosted by Sav and Holly J would be played in each of the classroom however an important announcement need to be made so Mrs. Simpson, their principal, was presenting today. "Good morning Degrassi. As you might've already heard a great tragedy has befallen on our students. Riley Stavros was involved in an accident that claimed his life." He started. Zane started breathing deep short breaths and his heart ached being reminded that riley was gone. "We would like to take this morning and observe a moment of silence." As he finished his speech a picture of Riley in his football jersey was on the TV screen. Zane couldn't take it anymore. Tear now ran down his face and it was hard to breathe. Abruptly he stood up from his chair and ran out of the classroom. He ran past down the hall passing the library where he found out the Riley was going to Eastern University then he headed toward the front of the school. As he ran he passed Peter who tried to call out to him but Zane ignored everything and just ran. When he reached the front of the school he was reminded of the first time Riley asked him on a date. Then he passed the wooden picnic table where he and Riley started talking once again after their big fight. All these memories haunted Zane's consciousness so he ran into the woods to escape them. He ran on the unbeaten path passing tree after tree after tree until his legs finally gave out on him and he fell to his knees crying. "AHHHHHHH!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Zane felt as if his heart was ripped from his chest and tore to pieces. "WHY? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?" he screamed as he fell to the ground and curled up into a ball. "Riley" he cried tightening his pose. Zane just laid there alone crying and sobbing his boyfriend's name.

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Peter was searching the path students would normally hike in the woods behind the school. "ZANE!" he called out trying to search for the missing boy. "ZANE!" he repeated calling in a different direction. After a couple of more minute and about a mile down the path he heard a rustling in a small clearing. Peter went to investigate and found Zane. "OH my god Zane." He said finding the boy shivering and sleep. Guy's I've found him." He called out A few moments later Drew, Anya, Holly J, and Fiona came to help. "Let's get him back to the school." Drew said as he went to pick up the boy and carried him back to the school. When they got back to the school the group was greeted by Mr. Simpson and most of PTA "How is he?" they all inquired. "He's okay just shivering and asleep." Drew replied. "Okay that's good. Let just get him home." Mr. Simpson said. Then Peter raised his hand and volunteered to take him home. Drew carried Zane to Peter's car and they both drove off to Zane's apartment. When they got to Zane's apartment Zane was awake. He helped the boy into the shower, made him something to eat, and helped him into bed. When Zane was in bed he cleaned up the dishes and crashed on his couch. Peter knew that Zane needed a friend right now and Peter didn't want to leave him alone.


	4. Riley?

**Okay so my first chapter four was a dud So I removed it and tried to rework it again. Which I'm glad i did. I like this chapter and i hope you guys will enjoy it. PLease review and tell me what you think.**

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*Two months later*

After he ran from school two months ago Mr. Simpson and all of his friends pushed him to go to grief counseling. There he learned to coping techniques to deal with his tragic loss and move on. One of those techniques was journaling. At first Zane would write to Riley expressing his anger, sadness, and long for the boy; but after a few weeks those entries became more about his feelings and how he was going to get through them. Zane is sitting on the front steps of school writing in his journal.

_Dear Journal,_

_Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile and it will be believable. My smile will say 'I'm fine. Thank you. Yes I feel much better.' I will no longer be the boy who lost his boyfriend. I will start fresh. Be someone new. That's the only way I'll make it through._

"Zane!" Anya called out as he mom pulled up in front of the school. Zane stopped writing and looked up. He quickly closed the leather bound book and shoved it in his bag. "Thanks mom. I'll see you at the hospital after school." The brunette said to her mom as she closed the door. Together they greeted each other and talked about the latest gossip as they walked to their first class together.

Coincidentally their first class was together. Governmental Studies. Not one of Zane's favorite classes but he endured it. They entered class and sat in the back of the class. **RING**. The school bell sounded signaling the beginning of class and the day. Zane took a deep breath in and exhaled. _'Today's another day' _he thought.

* * *

Just as the school bell rang a black car pulled up in front of the school. "Are you sure you're ready for this? The woman driving the car asked her son.

"Yes mom. We've been over this a hundred times." Her son said in a 'stop nagging me' tone "It's time I got to go to a real school. It'll be alright I have my medication and if anything goes wrong the school will call you. Trust me I'll be fine." He pulled his mother in for a hug then opened his door and stepped out of the car.

"I'll pick you up at 4" The boy's mother called out.

"Okay. Bye" said the boy as she closed the door. His mother then drove off as he waved goodbye. Once his mother left the school he turned to face the entrance of the school and inhaled "Ahhh. High school." He then made his way up the stairs through the glass doors and headed towards the main office.

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"Queen Elizabeth chose to remain unwed and took on the burden of leadership all by herself at a time when possibly marrying the Prince of France or the King of Spain would've solidified her throne while expanding her empire." Mr. West, the current governmental studies teacher, said as he began to explain the pros and cons of the Elizabethan government. Zane was busily jotting down notes when Mr. West continued. "Her marriage to either party would've-". **KNOCK KNOCK**. The sound of someone knocking on the classroom door interrupted him mid sentence. "Come in" he called out.

The door handle slowly turned and the door opened. Just as the visitor entered Zane looked up from his notes to see who it was. The moment he saw who was standing in the door way he dropped his pen and just stared in disbelief at the boy standing there. 'It can't be' he thought. It was Riley. Zane couldn't believe who he was seeing. Riley had been dead for two months now. They buried him. "Are you okay?" Anya asked Zane brining him out of his daze. Zane closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened them again, Riley was gone but in his place stood another boy he'd never seen before. "Yeah I'm fine. I thought I saw a ghost." Zane replied. The boy stood in the front of the class, he was of average height, maybe 5'8" or 5'9", had a skater's build, and had a strong face and piercing hazel eyes. He wore dark blue jeans and a black polo shirt.

"Class I'd like to introduce you to our new student. This is Jarrod Rhodes." Mr. West announced to the class. "Jarrod you can take that empty seat over there" gesturing to the one empty seat in the middle of the class. Jarrod shuffled amongst the desk before arriving at his desk. "Okay so continuing. Queen Elizabeth…" Mr. West continued where he left off.

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After school Zane usually came to the library to journal. He liked it here because no one bothered him and hardly anyone came to the library. So he planted a seat between two bookshelves and started to write.

_Dear Journal,_

_I saw him today. I know it's impossible but he was here, standing in the doorway of my class. It's already been two months since his passing and I thought I was just starting to accept his death, but then today happened. I don't know if it's the grief coming back or survivor's guilt but I know I saw him. What does this mean? I don't know. _

Suddenly a bunch of books came falling down from the shelf above. "Ouch." Zane groaned as a book hit him on his head. He sat there under the fallen books when Riley rounded the book shelf. "Oh my god. I'm sooo sorry." Riley started. Zane just sat there staring at Riley in disbelief. He could believe his eyes. He was here. "Riley?" Zane asked in a soft voice. "There was this one book wedged between the other and I pulled. Then kablunk kaboom. Are you okay?" Riley asked.

Zane closed his eyes and opened them. Once again Riley vanished and in his place was the new kid. "Yeah. I'm okay." Zane said trying to get up.

"Oh ere let me help you." Jarrod said extending his hand to help the other boy up. Zane accepted his hand and pulled himself up.

"Again. I'm soo sorry." Jarrod said as he started picking up the fallen books. After he finished returning the books to the proper place he turned to the boy he injured and introduced himself. "Hi I'm Jarrod."

"Zane"

"Nice to meet you Zane. Hey you're in my governmental studies class right?" Jarrod asked

"Yeah and your French class too." Zane said

"Cool." Jarrod then looked at his watch and realized it was already 4 o'clock. "Oh crap. It was nice to meet you Zane but I have to go. Sorry again about the books. I'll see you in class" he said before dashing out of the library.

Zane could believe what had happened. He had definitely seen Riley. He was there for a brief moment. _'But why' _he thought _'Why am I seeing him now? And why is that new kid always there?_' Zane grabbed his things and began his journey home. Along the way he kept trying to fit everything together.

* * *

"Hi mom." Jarrod said as he got into the car and buckled his seatbelt.

"Hi hun. How was your first day of school?" Jarrod's mom asked.

"It was amazing. I haven't made friends yet but it's just the beginning." Jarrod said smiling like a fool. It was only the first day and he already liked someone. Jarrod's heart beated a little faster as he thought about him. Zane had caught his attention the first moment he walked into class. He wanted to say something to him but was too afraid to. It was just by chance that the book he grabbed just so happened to be wedged between the other books that fell on top of him. He was so embarrassed that he wanted to get out of there as quick as possible. Jarrod could only smile as he rode home holding the book 'The Art of War'.


	5. Dinner and Things

**Okay forgive me for not updating in a while. School has been kicking my butt so much that i havent found time to actually write. Thank you everyone who reviewed and who favorite my story it means a lot to me. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. I'd love to hear your opinons. So with out further ado.**

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A few weeks past and things seemed to be good for the most part. Zane hadn't seen Riley since the library incident. It was still weird Zane thought but he just dismissed it as a combination of both stress and grief. As for the new student, Jarrod, Zane would make polite conversation with him but other than that they didn't talk much. Till today that is.

"Okay class I'll be assigning your partners for your midterm project." Mr. Grant announce to the class 10 minutes before class ended. He looked down at his roster sheet and started calling out names in pairs. "Mrs. MacPherson and Mr. Booth. Mr. Gilbert and Mrs. Rose" As Mr. Grant continued to call out the groups names most of the people in class were already paired up, Zane anxiously waited to see who he'd be paired up with. Finally his name was called. "And finally Mr. Park and Mr. Rhodes. Okay guys you have your partners and your assignments." Just then the bell rang and everyone started gathering their stuff. "I want a rough draft of your reports by Wednesday."

"Hey partner." Jarrod said as he walked up to Zane.

"Hey" Zane replied

"So did you want to meet outside of class so we can work on our project?"

"Yeah sure. How about coffee at the Dot after school if you're free."

"That's perfect. I'll meet you there." Jarrod said before both boys left the class to the rest of their classes.

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Jarrod arrived early to the Dot and just was sitting at a table beside the glass window of the popular coffee shop just waiting for his partner to show up. He did know if Zane liked caramel mochas so he ordered two anyways just to be nice. Jarrod had a few minutes to spare so he decided he'd catch up on some reading while he waited. He pulled out the borrowed copy of 'The Art of War' and started reading. A good ten minutes later Zane walked through the doors of the coffee shop and took a seat at Jarrod's table.

Jarrod was so into the book that he didn't notice Zane sit down till the other boy was in front of him. "Oh hey." He said surprised

"Were you waiting long?" Zane asked

"Oh not at all. I just got here a few minutes earlier. Here I got us some coffee." Jarrod said putting down the book as he pushed the ceramic coffee mug towards Zane. Zane thanked him for the coffee and took a sip. With his first sip he shocked to taste his favorite coffee drink. A caramel mocha. Zane looked up at Jarrod sitting across the table. _Just how did he know I liked this?_ He thought to himself.

"I didn't know if you liked caramel mocha but it seemed like the best thing on the menu. I hope it's okay." Jarrod said hesitantly.

"No it's great. It's actually my favorite." Zane said taking another sip. He couldn't help but notice the book sitting in front of Jarrod. "Hey I know that book."

"Oh this?" Jarrod asked "Yeah it's the book that I borrowed from the library. The one that was wedged between the books." He started to explain "I actually was halfway through the book a couple months ago but I got sick and never had the chance to finish reading it. So since I have time I'm eager to finish it."

"oh cool" was all that Zane could say as he found these things interesting. The coffee and the half read book. It seems all too familiar to him.

"Well let's get down to business shall we? Okay so for the presentation I think we should…" Jarrod said as he started to explain a format they could use to do their project.

* * *

This project brought them closer together and Zane seemed to have taken a liking to Jarrod. Zane was just sitting in class and staring at him not paying attention to the review session going on. He thought of how much Jarrod reminded him of Riley. It wasn't Jarrod's physical appearance that reminded him of Riley but more the things he did. Like The way he knew his favorite coffee drink and favorite food. Also the way he moved and acted around Zane.

Although Jarrod wasn't the jock type he was full of life like Riley was. He ran often and spent a lot of time skating. He even once joined Zane's yoga class to try it out. Zane found himself slowly moving on with his life.

Zane didn't even realize that the bell rang ending their class until Jarrod was in front of his desk "Oh hey Jarrod." He said smiling.

"Hey Zane I was wondering if you were free tonight if you'd like to come over for dinner tonight? " Jarrod asked "I'm making Italian." He tried to coax the boy into coming.

"Yeah that'd be great." Zane said trying to hold back a smile

"Great. Here's my address." Jarrod grabbed a pen and tore out a piece of paper from his notebook then began scribbling down his address. "Dinner's at 7."

"Great I'll see you there" Zane said smiling. Jarrod then left for his next class.

"Oh I see you have a date tonight." Anya said coming up behind Zane.

"Oh Anya. I didn't see you there. "

"Of course you wouldn't you've been staring at Jarrod the whole class. So give me the details" She said.

"Nothing it's just dinner. That's all." Zane said gathering his things and shoving them into his bag.

"Ah." She said before going into concerned friend mode. "Zane are you ready for this? I mean after Riley and all."

Zane paused for a moment and answered "Yeah. He wouldn't have wanted me to mope around. He would've wanted me to move on so yeah I think I'm ready for this."

"Well I'm here for you if anything okay."

"Thanks Anya."

"Okay I have to get to class before I'm late again. Text me the details"

"Will do" Zane said as he headed in the opposite direction towards his next class.

* * *

Jarrod lived in a small neighborhood where every house almost looked like the one next to it. Zane found his house after about 20 minutes of looking around and he pulled up into his driveway and parked. He got out of his car and walked the pathway to the front door. When he arrived he paused for a second and pepped himself up. "You can do this" he said before ringing the door bell. **BZZZZZZZ**.

A few minutes later a middle aged woman opened the door and was face to face with Zane. "Oh you must be Zane. Come in come in." she said in a very motherly voice. Something he hadn't heard in a long time. "Jarrod! Zane's here" she called out to her son who was elsewhere in the house. The inside of the house was similar to what you'd see in a normal house. There was a sofa, a coffee table, a TV, and the random framed picture of the family lying about.

"Hey" Jarrod said rushing from down the hall. "I see you've met my mom." He said gesturing to his mother who opened the door "Mom this is Zane a friend from class. Dinner's all ready so let's eat" he said as he led the way towards their dining room.

Dinner was a feast; there was chicken parmesan with garlic bread and Caesar salad. "This is great Mrs. Rhodes it must've took you a long time to cook all this." Zane said complementing her cooking skills.

"You can call me Sheila and I actually didn't make dinner. Mr. Romantic here stayed up all night last night researching recipes." She said as Jarrod started going red from embarrassment.

"So Zane what do you plan on doing after college?" Sheila asked.

"Oh I was planning on going into electrical engineering. I applied but haven't heard from any colleges yet but I'm crossing my fingers though."

"That's great. Jarrod here hasn't really decided on anything just yet. I keep telling him he should go into culinary but he says he not that good." Jarrod mom said messing up his hair.

"Mom" Jarrod whined as she was embarrassing him. Catching the hint she backed off. As they finished with dessert they cleaned up and Sheila headed upstairs to give the two some privacy. They walked into the living room. The first thing that caught Zane's eyes was the familiarly yellow colored book sitting on the coffee table.

"So how's the book going?" Zane asked as he picked up 'The Art of War'.

"Good actually I'm almost finished just taking my time to take everything all in. Have you read it?"

"Yeah. It's actually one of my favorites."Zane said as Jarrod stepped closer. Taking a chance Jarrod leaned in and kissed Zane on the lips. Jarrod lips weren't met with any resistance but he felt a spark and pulled away quick. Their kiss was short and chaste. Both boys were smiling after.

"Sorry I was caught in the moment." Jarrod said apologizing for being so forward.

"It's okay. I actually have to go." Zane said.

"Oh okay." Jarrod said surprised. "Here let me walk you to your car." Both boys walked to Zane's car.

"Thank you again for dinner. I was fun. Please tell you mom I said good-bye."

"Will do." Jarrod said as Zane started his car and drove off into the night. Jarrod walked back up the pathway and into his house and closed the front door and leaned against it. Recapping the night's events in his head. I kissed him he thought as his heart was beating rapidly.

"Jarrod honey. Did you take your medicine?" his mom called down from the staircase.

"No I didn't. Thanks for reminding me." Jarrod called out. As he went into the kitchen got a glass of water and opened the medicine cabinet. He popped open the container and took portioned out two white pills. The label on the bottle read:

Take two pills daily. Consult your doctor is any complication of the heart persist.

He capped the bottle shut and started heading upstairs to get ready bed.

* * *

As Zane was driving back to his apartment he couldn't get the thought of Jarrod kissing him out of his mind. It was spontaneous and he was totally unprepared for it but it felt familiar in a way. He felt giddy and excited something he never felt in a long while. He just kept smiling as he drove home.


	6. It's you

**Thank you everyone for being patient with me updating and thank you for all the reviews. I think either in the next chapter I might be wrapping this up. I'm sorry if it may seem a little rushed. PLease tell me what you think. Without further ado heres the next chapter.**_

* * *

___

Jarrod was sitting in the driver's seat of a car and Zane in the passenger seat. Zane was excited about something and he smiled brightly at him. Jarrod just couldn't get enough of that smile. Zane's smile could make the coldest heart melt. They came to a stop light and he turned to Zane. "I love you" he said. The light had turned green and Jarrod proceeded to drive. He turned to see Zane's smiling face once more but when he turned all he saw was horror. "WATCH OUT!" Zane cried out. But it was too late the bright lights of an oncoming car closed in behind him and crashed into Jarrod's side of the car. The impact strong enough to flip the car over, then everything went black.

Jarrod woke up in his bed gasping for air. He was sweating and his heart was racing. '_What the hell was that?'_ He thought. His heart was still racing and he needed to calm down. He jumped out of bed and went into his bathroom. He flipped the lights on and turned the sinks cold water knob then splashed some of the water on his face. "It's okay." He said to himself. "You need to calm down Jarrod." He took a deep breath in and slowly counted to twenty. He kept breathing until he heart returned to normal. Then he turned off the lights and went back to bed. It took a good ten minutes till he fell asleep again. Yet he tossed and turned through the rest of the night.

* * *

Jarrod didn't get much sleep after he woke up from his nightmare. It was apparent as he caught himself dosing off during lectures. Good thing he started sitting in front of Zane because he'd tap him on the back whenever he start to fall asleep.

As lunch bell rang and Mr. Grant ended his lecture Jarrod gathered his things and started shoving them into his bag. "Hey are you okay?" Zane asked as he waited for Jarrod.

"Oh yeah. It's nothing really just didn't get much sleep last night." Jarrod replied.

"Oh. Hey I was wondering if you were free this Wednesday. A bunch of us were going to the carnival at the docks and I thought we could go together." Zane said extending an invitation for a second date.

"Why Mr. Park are you asking me on a date?" Jarrod asked in a curiously English accent.

"Sort of." Zane said a little guilty.

Jarrod could only laugh. "Of course I'll go. As long as you'll be there too"

"Great. On that note let's go get some lunch." Zane said they both exited the classroom and headed towards the lunch room.

* * *

_Jarrod was in the lunch room when a bidding war over Degrassi's eligible bachelors was going on. He had just made it in time when Zane took the stage and was being auctioned off by Anya. __"The bidding will start at $15. Do I hear $20?" said Anya. Immediately girls and some guys started raising their hands slowly upping the price. "$25. $30. $35." Counted Anya as she kept up with the countless bids. "Wow $35 does anyone wanna top that?"_

_"Fifty!" shouted someone raising their hand from the back of the room. Everyone stopped bidding to turn and look who just bid. Jarrod didn't realize that it was his hand up and his bid. "Fifty. Going once. Twice. Sold." Anya said. When Zane looked up to see who it was his face lit up with excitement. _

Jarrod was bed smiling to himself in his sleep.

* * *

After school the next day Jarred stayed back at school and just painted in an empty class room. Painting, next to cooking, was his escape from the world. It calmed him down and relaxed him. As he was painting he saw Peter walking past.

"Hey Peter." Jarrod called out from the room. A few seconds later Peter peeked in to find Jarrod painting. Peter could see that Jared's left cheek was smeared with paint.

"Hey man. I didn't know you painted." Peter said coming around the canvas to see Jared's painting. When Peter saw what the boy was paint he was mesmerized by how intricately beautiful the painting was. It was everyone from the group sitting at their table laughing. Behind them was a textured backdrop that was a made up of brush strokes interwoven with various colors creating a harmoniously sunset like color. "Wow" was the first words to come out of Peter's mouth "This is really good man. What class is this for?"

"Thanks. Oh this isn't for a class. It's actually just a hobby of mine. I just asked if I could use the classroom." He explained "Hey Peter can I ask you a question?"

"Sure what's up?" Peter said as he stared at the painting.

"I was just wondering if you knew what happened with Zane's was ex. I mean was it a bad break-up?"." Jared asked curiously

"Oh." Peter said surprised. He felt his heart sink a little as he remembered his late friend but answered the question. "No they didn't break up." He started "It was actually an accident. Our friend and Zane's ex-boyfriend, Riley, was killed in an accident about half a year ago."

"Oh. I see" Jarrod said "I'm sorry man."

"It's okay. It was hard at first but we've all had time to accept his death but Zane took it pretty bad. You see he was with him during the accident. So he felt a little guilty."

"I see. I'm sorry if this is making you uncomfortable and bringing up past memories"

"It's okay." Peter said looking at the clock. "Hey I have to jet. I'll see you tomorrow at the carnival."

"Yeah. Thanks Peter."

"Anytime." Peter replied back as he left the room. Jarrod leaned against the deep porcelain sinks near his painting and stared at his finished product. Jarrod couldn't help but take his eyes off of Zane in the picture. Part of him wanted to know what happened but he knew it was a touchy subject and when Zane was ready he'd tell him. So he left it alone. He quickly cleaned up his station, wrapped up his painting, and headed towards the front of school waiting for his ride home.

* * *

The carnival was like any other carnival. Clowns with various colored faces, kids running around, the sweet smell of cotton candy and caramel popcorn in the air, and the jingle and jangle of games and rides mixing together. Everyone was there Peter, Anya, and Drew

"Hey guy's let's try this game" Drew said pointing to the game booth where you knock over the stacked pins to win a prize. Everyone gave it shot and out of them all only Drew and Jarrod won prizes. Jarrod wanted a stuffed panda which he gave to Zane. The rest of the day went by rather normally then it was time to leave. Everyone went off in their own directions and Jarrod caught a ride home with Zane.

* * *

Zane pulled up in front of Jarrod house. "Did you wanna come in?" Jarrod offered and Zane accepted. Together they walked up the path towards the front door where Jarrod opened the metal door then another wooden door.

"Mom I'm home!" Jarrod called out to his mom who was somewhere in the house. A minute or two later Sheila came down the stairs with glasses on and a pen holding together her hair.

"Hey Zane."

"Hi Mrs. Rhodes." Zane politely greeted Jarrod's mom

"Hun you can call me Sheila remember." She said giggling as she turned to Jarrod "Did you take your medicine?"

"Oh that's right." Jarrod said as he just remembered.

"Jarrod you can't forget to take it."

"Alright I know." Jarrod said as he and Zane went into the kitchen to get his medicine from the cabinet.

"Medicine?" Zane asked

Jarrod popped open the cap and took two pills out and drank them down with some water before he said anything. "Yeah. They're for my heart. You see I had a heart transplant about half a year ago. I was waiting forever. But just so happened that there was a donor one day and I got the heart."

"Ahhh." Zane said understanding. Then a thought popped into his head that he thought would be impossible, which made him ask the next question "Do you remember about when the donor heart came?"

"I think it's been about 6-7 months already so about early March." Jarrod said.

Zane just stood there frozen. March. It made sense now. Everything made sense. The visions of Riley on Jarrod's first day of school. The nagging feeling of something familiar whenever he was around. The half read book. The transplanted heart. Jarrod had Riley's heart.

"I have to go." Zane said feeling the walls of the house and proximity of being that close to Jarrod claustrophobic. Suddenly he was out of the kitchen and heading towards the door. "Tell your mom I said bye." Zane then quickly went into his car and drove off leaving Jarrod wondering what he said.


	7. Lets Go Somewhere Only We Know

Jarrod didn't know what he'd done wrong to make Zane leave so abruptly. So he decided he'd go over and find out what he'd done.

*Knock knock*….. No answer.

"Zane. It's Jarrod. I need to talk to you." Jarrod called out to the boy behind the closed door. He knocked again and again. Right before the third time he'd knock the door opened to reveal Zane still in his pajamas with disheveled hair. His eyes were red and puffy.

"Zane. Can I come in and talk?" Jarrod asked. Zane opened the door more and Jarrod walked in. They both sat across from each other and Zane began explain himself.

"Jarrod. Do you remember when I told you about my ex-boyfriend?" Zane said

Jarrod just nodded. "Yeah you said he left you. After the accident." Jarrod could see Zane wince as he brought up the word accident.

"Yeah. We were driving back from a concert and we stopped at an intersection when we went an oncoming car crashed into us…" Zane paused "This flipped our car over." Zane started to tear up. "I really don't remember much after that as I woke up in the hospital. I saw the doctor give the bad news to his mother. And I visited him before we let him go."

Jarrod was just sitting there taking it all in.

"At that point in time I was in denial. I'd just lost the person I loved. I didn't realize that he was an organ donor…that is till I met you." Zane said. "Your see the time and place all match up. You have Riley's heart."

Jarrod was stunned. He just thought it was physical attraction that made him like Zane but really it was the heart of his old lover beating with unfinished business. As he saw Zane crying all he could do as stand.

"Please don't leave me. I don't think I could handle another loss again." Zane said crying heavily. Jarrod then moved closer to Zane and hugged him

"It's okay Zane. Shhhhhh. I won't leave you. I promise." Jarrod said as he squeezed the crying boy into a tighter embrace.

***One Month Later***

Jarrod slowly pulls into the parking lot at the bottom of the hill where a huge tree that over looked the town. It was nearly sun set so Zane knew he'd have to hurry. Zane grab the equipment and proceeded up the hill.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jarrod asked

"No its okay. I'll be fine." He replied.

When Zane finally got to the top of the hill the sun was already setting. So Zane started setting up the little shrine. He hadn't burned incense and prayed to the dead since his parents died. Today was the first time in a long time that he'd done anything like this. It made him nervous to the core. He set up the picture of Riley, a plate of two oranges, and burned two sticks of incense. Then began to pray.

After a good five minutes a hand upon Zane shoulder brought him out from his prayer and back to reality. It was Jarrod. He then came behind Zane and embraced him as they watched the last of the sun falling beyond the horizon. Zane takes comfort in his boyfriends embrace.

*As we pan out from the couple we see that it's not Jarrod embracing Zane as they watch the sunset but Riley.*

"_I loved him against reason. Against promise. Against peace. Against Hope. Against Happiness. Against all discouragement that can be. He was the one I wanted to be with but was taken so suddenly from me. Yet somehow he found his way back and now I'm complete. Riley may not be here with me right now but I know now that the part of him that loves me still lives on in someone else. And I'm content with that." Zane says in a voice over as we watch the sun sink below the horizon._


End file.
